Can't we all just get along???

This week we talked a bit about the goings on at the Supreme Court. We watched a video of an eleven year old girl that testified in another court about the importance of marriage staying between man and woman, and discussed our views on the topic. One comment was made that those who are gay and the gay rights activists complain that we are not tolerant (not sure if that's the right word to use but I can't think of another) of the way other people choose to live, but at the same time they are not tolerant of the way we live either. Tolerance was one of the things this country was founded on, and yet somehow we always seem to have some battle going on for someone's rights, whether that is civil rights, women's rights, equal rights...will it ever end?
This weekend I noticed another act of intolerance, some of my friends were talking about the protesters that stand outside the conference center during the Latter-Day Saint General Conference and harass those choosing to attend. Religious intolerance or discrimination is once again rearing its ugly head; and not just at the Mormons. I attended the Festival of Colors, which has become a popular celebration and a lot of fun, on our way out there were people talking about how wrong it was for all of us to be there. They were protesting something, I didn't stay to find out what, and once again I realized how close minded some people are. We all have our own opinions and they should not be shoved down the throat of anyone who has a differing opinion.
I think the hippies had it right..."One Love Man". :)
 

Reading between the lines...

If that isn't hard enough to do with your own family, it must be next to impossible when you first get married. This week one of our topics was communications in a relationship. You grow up with an unspoken language or as they are often called unspoken rules; you know like looks that are passed between people that send a very distinct message or body posture that tells you mom or dad is upset and the best thing to do at that particular moment is to run for the hills. There are the things that are expected of you and you don't need to be told to do them, you just do because that's the way the family operates and functions. You know the rules in your family from experience and the older you get the more natural it all becomes.
Now suddenly you are joining another person's family and have to learn all of their unspoken rules. This can be done one of two ways; either you ask questions to clarify events and make sure you aren't reading too much or too little into what happens...or you assume you know exactly what's going on and end up fighting fairly often because you see no reason why they didn't understand what you meant by an action or a comment. Personally I would prefer to go the with the first option. You just have to remember that your partner grew up differently than you did and needs a little bit of help understanding your crazy tendencies. No worries they still love you. They married you didn't they. If you're as crazy as I am that's an accomplishment in and of itself.

This week I'm not putting a title up because this week's topics in class are of a kinda sensitive nature. This week we talked about marital intimacy, infidelity, and making a connection in love. Being single and all I have no personal insights into any of those topics. The discussions in class we're kind of awkward, I'm not gonna lie. If it wasn't bad enough that our teacher started blushing every couple of minutes, the married students weren't sure what to say either. It's not that sex itself is what was making the class awkward but the fact that the single people have no experience and therefore nothing to contribute and the married people weren't sure how to make appropriate comments without getting too graphic. I did learn some interesting things and to be honest most of it made complete sense.
One comment was made ( and has been made several times before) that growing up in the church the young women are told that sex is a bad thing, or as my teachers like to put it, " NO! NO! NO! NO! GO!" No wonder so many women feel guilty on their wedding night. Thinking back to my experiences in Young Women's; I realized that my leaders did an excellent job teaching us about chastity. It was never "don't have sex it's a bad thing" more like "sex is a beautiful wonderful thing, when the time is right". So here's a big thank you to my leaders for instilling in me the importance of waiting until you're married to show you're spouse your love for them. I guess there's a reason it's called making love.
Gotta love those Mormon Weddings!

Marriage and Babies. Ummmm...yeah I got nothing

The topics this week were all informative especially because I have absolutely no experience in either category. There were a few tips and tricks we discussed that I found educational and not the least bit surprising. The first was that marital satisfaction is at it's highest point right after the wedding. Seriously no surprises there. Especially for Mormons that don't engage in any sexual activity before marriage the "honeymoon" period of the marriage must be great in terms of marital satisfaction. ;) The next trend in marital satisfaction is that it tends to drop after the birth of each child. This is because of all the stress and extra work that comes with a newborn, plus the lack of sleep and lack of time reserved for the couple. I must say I didn't notice this trend in my parents marriage. I don't really remember the time after two of my siblings were born but I remember that after my two youngest siblings were born my parents were more tired during the day because the newborn kept them up but it didn't seem to do anything bad to their marital satisfaction. In my opinion that is because my parents had established a date  night from the beginning of their marriage. Every Friday night we were left with a sitter so our parents could have the time alone that they deserve. The final trend in marital satisfaction is that it tends to increase as each child leaves the "nest". Since I'm not at home anymore I can't tell if my parents are getting more free time since I still have younger siblings at home. They seem to be doing just as well as they always have but since I haven't asked them how their marital satisfaction is lately I'm not entirely sure. ;)
This weeks picture is inspired by two of my favorite people in the world. My wonderful parents. I hope someday I can follow their marital example!

Love, Dating, and all that Jazz.

Since this week contained Valentine's Day in its midst the topic of love, dating, marriage, etc, etc, seemed to come up a bit. But since I have ZERO experience in that particular field I've decided to leave it to the experts in my life...my parents. When I contemplate that idea of picking one person out of the 6 billion currently inhabiting this planet and then committing myself to him for time and all eternity...okay it didn't freak me out all that much until I wrote it out like that. :P Anywho when I think about that concept two things come immediately to mind. The first is something my mom has said to me on a few different occasions, "You don't marry your BOYFRIEND you marry your BEST FRIEND." and seeing as my parents were never really "together" and yet they have been married for over 26 years, I'm go with the idea that she knows what she's talking about. The second thing is something I've heard before that might sound a little weird nonetheless, "Women tend to marry their father." Like I said, it sounds a little odd until you really stop and think about it. If you grew up in a home where it is obvious your parents are happily married you tend to watch how they treat each other. What better example does a girl have for the way a wife should be treated by her husband than the girl's dad? I'll tell you, there isn't one. My dad is pretty much as good as they come. He totally and completely respects and loves my mom and it is apparent by the way he treats her. He also makes her laugh all the time and does some of the sweetest things for my mom. I seriously want a guy just like my dad! I have high standards when it comes to guys and as unfair as that may seem I know he's out there somewhere. I shouldn't have to settle for anything less than I deserve, and by golly with my cooking skills and beauty I deserve a dang good guy. Not that I'm vain or anything. ;)

This picture really has nothing to do with anything but it reminded me of my mom and cracked me up.

No Name Calling Please!


One of the topics I found interesting this week was about homosexuality of all things. I know it's probably not a particular favorite of anyone, but it should not be avoided simply to spare feelings and just because you're open to discussing it doesn't mean you are in favor or against anything to do with this topic. That said let me tell you about a couple of the reasons why I found this topic interesting.
First of all I found out this week that most fathers that catch their young son playing with dolls or playing dress up automatically assume he is gay and they need to fix him. Really?!? Come on! Could we be any more close minded about this?
Secondly we looked more into the debate of whether or not you are "born that way" or if it's something you choose, I'm not going to discuss this one so much, if you have questions about it you can easily Google it and come up with enough research to keep you busy for a while.
Okay so the main reason I though this topic was interesting is because I had no idea how scared parents are that their child may be homosexual, and they base their fear off of the things they see their child doing. I listed one example already but mothers are the same way when it comes to their little girls, if the girl would rather play with legos and cars. The little boy is not feminine and the little girl is just a tomboy, there is nothing wrong with either child.


The little boy is taking care of the doll, probably imitating something he has seen his mother do and the little girl probably has brothers and just wants to play.

I don't understand the fear and close-mindedness of parents who think there is something wrong with a child that exhibits traits more commonly associated with the opposite sex. My younger brothers all played dolls with my sister and I; however they also liked wrestling with each other and playing alien killing video games. My younger sister likes sports and video games, but she also likes playing with barbies and looking cute. It is perfectly natural for kids to want to play with the "other" toys.  Don't assume you know what's going on inside your child's head, they are going to turn out just fine...no matter how they choose to live.

Class Systems

Don't let the title fool you this post has nothing to do with school and whether adolescents prefer A/B schedules or having every class the same every day...that argument with have to wait
The class systems I am referring to are the ones found in society; whether or not we are willing to admit it we do have them. If you drive through a city chances are you are going to see some trailers, some houses in bad shape, some ordinary houses, some nice houses, and some really big houses and when you see these different styles of living the first thing that pops into your head is the amount of money those people make and the way they live. Don't deny it you know it's true. It's in our nature as carnal human beings to make assumptions based on what we see at first glance.

It's not until you look closer that you see the real people living behind those assumptions. The people living in a beat up house may be in the process of renovating or you may have caught them on a bad day. The people living n the ordinary house may be filthy rich and just don't want to gloat or make those around them feel inferior. The people living in the really big house may be nearly broke and the house just happened to belong to their parents so they inherited it. I know what you're thinking, :Yeah right" but we should not be a nation to judge on appearances. Admit it, it's okay we all do it. We make assumptions about everyone we see and meet, from the girl who wears the expensive name brand clothes (which she bought at a second hand store) to the boy who drives the Porsche (which he fixed up and painted to look new) to the woman who has the enormous rock on her left hand (inherited from her great-great-great grandmother) to the teenager who has an I Phone 5 (okay I have no reason for why they would have that).
Personally when I think of class systems I think of the old movies where everyone knows who the rich people in town are, they are brought up a certain way, inherit everything they have, and look down on everyone else; then when someone it town makes good in life and move to that part of town, try as they might they can't fit into that society and eventually realize they were happier being poor. You know those good moral of the story movies. However as I talked to my older sister this week she brought me back to this century where people move around all the time so no one knows how rich you really are and where people can be born into the poorest of households but decide to make something out of their life and end up incredibly wealthy. Or those who simply found a way to make money doing what they have a deep passion for, we all wish we could be like that and fortunately this country we live in provides the opportunity for anyone to make good in their lifetime. We have the chance to live a great life, regardless of how much money we have sitting in a bank. Life is what you make it, so choose to make it good.

Boundaries people boundaries!

Family boundaries are important but more important still are the type of boundaries put in place in a family. This week we learned about the different types of boundaries; Rigid, Permeable, and Diffuse. Can you guess which one is ideal? I'll give you hint, it's not rigid or diffuse. I'll give you another hint; the boundaries shown in the picture are not healthy at all. As you can see the boundaries between the mother and daughter are fine and permeable or clear; however the boundaries between the mother and her husband as well as the ones between the father and his daughter are not healthy. There are too many rules that separate the father from his family. The ideal family looks more like this; with the mother and father separate but reachable to the children.

 Personally this is what my families boundaries look like. My parents are committed and unified in their marriage, and they are open to all six of us and love us equally. Yeah I know there are only five kids in the picture and no I wasn't purposefully cutting anyone out. When I quickly drew this I didn't have my family in mind, just an ideal family. By ideal I don't mean perfect...such a family doesn't exist; but I'm not going to deny I have a pretty freaking awesome family!
Another important aspect of boundaries is understanding them. We have heard a few stories this week from our teachers about clients of his (strictly anonymous) that didn't understand their family boundaries and it almost destroyed their marriage. You have to understand that although your family is important, and it should be, once you get married you are starting a new family and your boundaries with your spouse should not be penetrated by your boundaries with your siblings or your parents. One particular story I remember is a family of sisters that all had failed marriages because they believed they married selfish pigs. Little back story for you; each sister talked to her parents for seven hours a day (or it might have been a week but either way that is excessive)! When their husbands tried to talk to them about it they got upset, so each marriage failed. Is that ridiculous or what?!? Moral of the story; your family is important and they always should be, but every relationship needs very clear boundaries.

This week in class we have been discussing Family Trends in the U.S. Some of them didn't surprise me as much like fact that more couples in the world are cohabiting instead of getting married and that people are getting married later in life. However some trends did surprise me such as; less children are being born and more mothers are going to work, especially mothers with young children. As we looked at trends we noticed patterns or connections between the different trends. The one most prevalent to me was that social activity is going down which in and of itself is not that big of a deal but less social activity leads to adults living on their own longer which leads to less marriages or getting married at a later age which leads to less children being born especially if the couple is older when they get married they have less opportunity to have more children. This trend is worry some as a Mormon since we have been commanded to multiply and replenish the Earth; this cannot be done if people are getting married later and not having as many children. In a documentary we watched "New Economic Reality: Demographic Winter" scientists discussed the problem that comes from people having less children. Big traditional families are no longer important in our society which means that couples are only having one or two children and believe that is enough. Our population is estimated to start decreasing by 2065 which may not affect our parents or us necessarily since most of today's young adults with be retired or nearly retired at that point but it will affect our children and their children.
When I told my roommate about this problem she said it's a good thing Mormon's still believe in big families. It all makes sense now, the reason we have missionaries is to convert the world so we can take over the world and have bigger families and solve the world's population problem. )

All About Me.

My name is Kylie Simpson. I am a transfer student from Utah Valley University. I received my Associate's degree in April and am now working on getting my Bachelor's degree. My major is Marriage and Family, Professional Clinical Emphasis. I am originally from Orem, UT but I have been living in Livermore, CA for the last 5 months prior to coming to Rexburg to school. The purpose of this blog is basically to take notes for my Family Relations class. Every week I will post about the interesting things I am learning in that class. This is something new for me so we'll see how it goes. At the request of my teacher Professor Williams I have an open blog which means anyone can comment about anything. Feel free to leave comments, suggestions, funny stories, etc, whatever you feel like. I hope you enjoy reading. :)