Saturday, January 26, 2013

Boundaries people boundaries!

Family boundaries are important but more important still are the type of boundaries put in place in a family. This week we learned about the different types of boundaries; Rigid, Permeable, and Diffuse. Can you guess which one is ideal? I'll give you hint, it's not rigid or diffuse. I'll give you another hint; the boundaries shown in the picture are not healthy at all. As you can see the boundaries between the mother and daughter are fine and permeable or clear; however the boundaries between the mother and her husband as well as the ones between the father and his daughter are not healthy. There are too many rules that separate the father from his family. The ideal family looks more like this; with the mother and father separate but reachable to the children.

 Personally this is what my families boundaries look like. My parents are committed and unified in their marriage, and they are open to all six of us and love us equally. Yeah I know there are only five kids in the picture and no I wasn't purposefully cutting anyone out. When I quickly drew this I didn't have my family in mind, just an ideal family. By ideal I don't mean perfect...such a family doesn't exist; but I'm not going to deny I have a pretty freaking awesome family!
Another important aspect of boundaries is understanding them. We have heard a few stories this week from our teachers about clients of his (strictly anonymous) that didn't understand their family boundaries and it almost destroyed their marriage. You have to understand that although your family is important, and it should be, once you get married you are starting a new family and your boundaries with your spouse should not be penetrated by your boundaries with your siblings or your parents. One particular story I remember is a family of sisters that all had failed marriages because they believed they married selfish pigs. Little back story for you; each sister talked to her parents for seven hours a day (or it might have been a week but either way that is excessive)! When their husbands tried to talk to them about it they got upset, so each marriage failed. Is that ridiculous or what?!? Moral of the story; your family is important and they always should be, but every relationship needs very clear boundaries.

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